When you realize that a hug you so longed for…. isn’t coming.
The love and admiration … isn’t reciprocated.
The need to see each other… isn’t mutual.
The joy of meeting… is tied to a drink.
When its one sided, but yet .. i guess.. a time comes for one to realize that it was always that way, it still is and always will be.
The entire painful process of finally opening one’s

to reality, seeing it for what it is… no illusions…. no faint hearted hopes…
And then the simple yet heatbreaking acceptance of truth.
Does it liberate? or does it make you cynical? is the “ego” in the way?
Should one stay or should one leave? or just let it be?
Do they want me around? Was one not good enough? Not appealing enough? Were the words not sugar-coated the way the others say them? Did i lack the special something? Feminity? Did one say it wrong? Push too hard?
Have i done the same to another person?
The sense of loss is dichotomic …. for one’s own sense of balance and self-worth… and for the friends one feels one has lost (or never had?)
CHEERS to trying to let go… hoping one will succeed.
CHEERS to a hope that one will be remembered fondly… not wanting to know if it doesn’t happen.
CHEERS to 12 long memorable years.. for what its worth!
– NG

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